the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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