Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
