The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
