Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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