if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
