WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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