You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
