tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
