Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
