I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
