you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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