Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
