tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
