if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I'm at about main and main street
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
