now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize