He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Randomize
