just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
