I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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