I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
no you cant smoke seaweed
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
