I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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