living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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