You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
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