it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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