I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
