all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
