If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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