you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
