The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
