Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
