I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
