my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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