I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
