I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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