doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
