Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
