Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
