I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Randomize
