Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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