You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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