i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I want to be your penis for a week.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
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