Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Randomize
