Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
