ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
there was a trapeze. enough said
This house was built for laser tag.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
