Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
