dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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