How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
