I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
