i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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