also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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