just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
