I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I queefed so loud it echoed.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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