Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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