Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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